Ioana and Gabriel are coming home. For those interested in the nuts and bolts of it, last July I filed a petition to get Io an immigration visa (Gabe doesn't need one because he's a citizen). It was based on a pretty novel idea regarding how to calculate the amount of time Io has spent in Romania, which Io came up with. I was skeptical, but on Friday the INS notified us that they agree with her calculations and she can come to the States. In the immortal words of Jar-Jar Binks, weesa goin home.
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| Fuck you. |
So it seems like a good time to reflect back on the whole experience. First off, I know that many people go through much worse things. Io and I know people who have had their spouse die, or had a child die, or want to have children but can't. Any of those people would change places with us in a second. Io and I keep that knowledge front and center to help ground us through this whole thing.
And there's been some real good to the experience. Io and her family had really drifted out of touch during the eight years she lived in America, and going back led to her reconnecting with them in a big way. Considering how fast and unexpectedly Gagi got sick, it's great that Io was living back at home the last 18 months. It also opened up a world of experiences for me that I would never have had. I took six months off of work last year and lived in Bucharest. There's no way anything like that would ever have happened if it weren't for this immigration fiasco. And that was a cool experience. Frustrating in a lot of ways, but unique and interesting and I'm glad I did it. I got to know Io's culture and her family (including Gagi) in a way I never would have otherwise. I learned the language better than I ever would have (my Romanian is still terrible, but at least I know
something). We went on our trip to Switzerland and next month we're going to Turkey, both of which we would probably never have seen.
On the other hand, a lot of stuff about it sucks. We've been separated a long time and I've missed most of months 3 through 12 of Gabe's life, which is a time of big changes. We've spent a fortune -- I was going to say "a small fortune," but then I looked back and realized it's actually a full-sized fortune -- on legal fees, time off work, supporting two households, and airfare. It's just been a big strain on our lives. Lots of stuff has happened for both of us that we weren't there to enjoy with the other person, or help the other person through. We had a whole bunch of plans for our lives before she left that all got canceled or ruined. And it's all for no good reason at all. It's just a completely stupid waste of everyone's time, effort, money, and lives.
So I guess overall my feeling is: meh. Sometimes in life big sucky things happen for no good reason. If you can get through them and come out the other side okay, I guess you count yourself lucky and move on. If this is the worst thing that ever happens to us, I suppose that's fine and we're luckier than most.
Moment of Zen:
