He Learned To Walk While I Was Away

Well, they got through.  That was almost two weeks ago, now.  I've been meaning since that day to write a final post in this blog, summing everything up.  I guess the main lesson here is that having a jetlagged toddler in your house makes it hard to get things done.

INS gave us a scare as Io was coming through immigration.  I was waiting at LAX for Io and Gabe to arrive.  INS said it would take from 1 to 4 hours for them to get processed through, assuming they were let into the country.  If for some reason the INS people at the border decided she wasn't allowed in, they would turn her around and put her on the next flight back to Bucharest.

So they way it works is, you show up at the exit point in the airport at the flight's arrival time.  Then you sit there for hours hoping that they come through the door.  You're not allowed to go into the INS area to see what is going on and there's nobody from INS there that you can talk to.  You just have to wait.  You find yourself humming that to yourself, that song about how you can't hurry love.  You wonder if you've gone insane.  Every minute that goes by, every person who comes out that isn't them, your anxiety ratchets up a little bit.

A couple hours into this process, my phone rang.  It was Ioana calling me from a payphone inside the INS area.  "They're recalculating my months," she said.  "They're telling me I have to go talk to someone at another room."  I told her I was glad she called, asked if she was OK, if Gabe was OK, she said she's fine and he's sleeping -- and then the call got cut off, because her 25 cents was up.  I sat staring at my phone wondering what was going on in there.  Recalculating her months?  Having to talk to someone else?  I started to freak out.

About 45 minutes later -- and let me give thanks here to my friend Jason, who talked me down when I said I was going to storm the INS room -- Io and Gabe came out.  It's over.  We never have to deal with any of this stuff again.

Gabe was asleep (it was 3am Bucharest time by the time they got out).  I bundled them into the car and we headed off home.  Io reacquainted herself with our cats (who she hasn't seen other than on Skype for two years) and the condo in general (ditto).

She requested my world-famous hamburgers -- the Burger of Kings, it used to be called, until I got a nasty cease & desist letter from a certain fast-food chain that I won't name because if I do they will probably sue me again -- so I made those as her welcome-home meal.

Watching Gabe pick up an X-Box controller, I felt like
Obi-Wan Kenobi handing Luke a lightsaber for the first time

Gabe had a lot of adjusting to do.  It's a ten-hour time difference, which is hell on your body because the sun is almost exactly the opposite of where your body expects it to be.  On top of that it's an all-new living space, an all-new crib in an all-new bedroom, two cats to get used to, no Grandma Tania anymore, no babysitter Stela, etc etc.  Big big change.  Luckily, babies are adaptable and can hardly remember anything to begin with, so he adapted like a champion.








One thing I had been really worried about was that Gabe wouldn't really remember me that well or be happy to be around me.  Luckily that turned out not to be true at all.  All that daily Skyping paid off, I guess, because Gabe was 100% fine with me right from the get-go, and even knew who I was ("Dada" is one-third of his current vocabulary).  Whew!

We had a couple of days there on our own, and then on Thursday my mom and dad came into town, to help us prepare for Io's big welcome-home party scheduled for that Saturday.  Throwing a giant party within a week of everyone getting back was kind of crazy, but there were so many people who wanted to see Io and Gabe that putting it off any longer would have made it pointless.

So they were super-helpful in terms of getting the party ready (especially because I went basically right back to work, for the mornings at least).  My brother and his wife came in the next day as well.  We had a few days of prep time, and then it was time to PAR-TAY!

We had about 30 people over for swimming and barbecue, a mix of Romanian and American food, and 100% American music because Romanian music sucks.  At least, as far as I'm concerned.  Don't tell Io I said so.  Thanks to the help of my family and some of the guests, the party was a smashing success and went off literally without a single hitch.  Everyone had a great time and some great food, Gabe got showered in gifts, and a bunch of people who haven't seen Io in two years got to reunite with her and meet her son for the first time.  Tears were shed, hugs were exchanged, some of us came up with entirely new curse words to describe the INS.  All was love.

\

Once the party was over, my professional-chef brother made a special dinner that was all Io requests.  We ate like kings (which, in Gabriel's case, is only appropriate) and then all collapsed into bed.

What a crazy week it had been.  We had breakfast together the next morning, and then my brother and sister-in-law headed back to Texas (thanks for flying out just for a weekend!  You guys are the best!).  My parents headed back to Arizona the day after that.  

Since then, Io and Gabe and I have been basically trying to settle into / adjust to a new routine for all of us.  Gabe and Io got adjusted to the time-change about halfway through last week (a blessing, since Gabe was no longer up all night).  We've started to hit a fairly regular rhythm: during the week I go to work, and then I come home for going to the park (although Io and Gabe went without me today, hence this blog entry), dinner, bath time, and bed.  On the weekends we run around like crazy people.  It's fun.  Challenging and exhausting, but fun.

And there you go.  Our long, two-year odyssey has ended.  I lived in Bucharest for six months, and we did 18 months and 10 days apart, other than a couple of three-week visits scattered here and there.  Other people have certainly gone through a lot worse and we're concentrating on all the good things that came of it: Io reconnected with her mom and with Gagi in a way she probably never would have otherwise, and before Gagi died; I got to know her mom and Gagi, and Romania, in a way I never would have otherwise; and hopefully, it will serve as a life-long reminder of everything that we have.  Sometimes I get angry or bitter thinking about how the INS set back Io's nursing school plans by two years, or made us cancel the Alaskan motorcycle tour that we had planned and booked for my 40th birthday.  But then I think about all the people who would change places with us if they could, I look at Io and Gabe here and healthy and I thank the random chaos of the universe for all that I have.

This is it for the blog.  We've toyed with the idea of firing it up again whenever we go on vacation anywhere, but I don't think we're going to.  We're going to leave it as a final record and memory of our wacky adventure life the last two years.  Hopefully one day Gabriel will be able to read it on the holographic quantum-state bionic computers of the future, and see all the craziness that attended his nine months of pre-existence and first 16 months of life.  I love you, Gabe!

When fans of Jonathan Coulton dedicate a song to their first child, I imagine it's always "You Ruined Everything."  But I'm going to go a different route and dedicate "A Talk With George"

Always remember: life is to be lived.

One Final Moment of Zen:

This is Vampire Hunter Ryan Williams,

signing off, from America.  

O Clouds Unfold

The worst part: waiting for the plane and not knowing whether they will let her through immigration.

Kiss Me, And Smile For Me

It's 9pm on my last night here.  I leave first thing tomorrow morning.  Every time I get to one of these last entries before I go, I think I'm going to write some big thing about the last two days full of photos of me and Gabe hanging out, and then every time when I finally get to the blog I'm too sad to do it.  We tried to keep these last two days sane and normal, after weeks of whirlwind guests and travel.  We made breakfast for each other, we took Gabe to the park, we went to the grocery store, we played computer games when Gabe was napping.  Stuff that hopefully one day soon we will do all the time -- but will hopefully never again take for granted.

Intellectually it seems like this should be the easiest parting yet.  Things with the INS are moving along at a decent pace and I'm hoping to have Gabe and Io back by early June.  We are 95% done with this ordeal (assuming nothing else goes wrong) and we are through the two hardest parts, the two four-month separations. The light at the end of the tunnel is bigger than ever, and our marriage has come through all this craziness with no problem.  Well, so far.  I did leave a bunch of dishes in the sink.

But somehow each time is more difficult than the last, and this one has been the worst of all.  I don't know whether it's the build-up of all the pointlessness of all this over time, or that Gabe has more personality now than ever, or what.  But I hate this stupid senseless situation and want it to be over.  I am fucking sick to death of leaving Gabe and Io.

The Whole Design Is Visible In Every Facet

This week's big event was Gabriel's belated Bucharest birthday (a local geek/videogame convention we call B3) and cut-your-hair-and-seal-your-fate ceremony.  First stop, though, was my parents' hotel, because there was another cache of birthday presents there.   It also got us out of the house so that Tania could prepare for the upcoming Romanian shenanigans.

Best movie I've ever tasted

Gabe has already been absolutely showered in presents and toys, and there's more to come.  I guess this is what Io and I get for making everyone in both our families wait so long for the first grandchild / nephew / whatever, but I swear I don't know what we're going to do with all this stuff.  He has boxes and boxes of toys, and in a couple months we are hopefully moving the two of them and all their worldly possessions back to LA in a couple of suitcases.  When we were talking about getting pregnant Io and I both agreed that we were not going in for the whole buy-a-zillion-toys and ten-zillion-specialized-pieces-of-baby-equipment thing, but it seems like the rest of the world is going there for us.

Dad, mom, Io & Gabe, STELLA!!, g-grandma Negru, Reli, g-grandpa Negru

Eventually we headed back to the bloc for Romanian festivities.  Tania threw a moderately sized party: us, my parents, all three great-grandparents, Aunt Reli,  our family-friend/babysitter Stella ("STELLA!!"), and godparents Cati and Ovi.  There was much music and laughter and Romanian that went far too fast for me to follow, plus my amusing and halting attempts to help with translation duties (luckily, Reli, Tania and Ovi all speak a good amount of English).

As required by Romanian law, Tania laid out one hundred and twenty times the necessary amount of food.  And then later in the evening we had mici (sausages) as well.  A good time was had by all.

Gabe also got several more birthday presents from everyone.  Many of them make irritating noises or sing annoying songs.  Thanks, Romanians!  After a couple hours of appetizers and socializing (Romanian parties are way long) it was time for the two main events.  

First up: hair-cutting!  In Romanian tradition a baby's hair can't be cut until his first birthday.  That's why Gabe is always sporting a samurai-style topknot.  Some babies have basically no hair to cut even at one year, but Gabe was born with an entire head of hair and it's been growing strong ever since.  The first haircut is a big deal and has to be done by the godparents.

The importance of it was a culture-shock moment for me.  When Io and I were planning my visit, and trying to coordinate having Jason and Rachel come out, and my parents come out, and going to Turkey, and going to Sighisoara, and everything else, it started to become apparent to me that there was no good way to do all this stuff and still be in Bucharest for Gabe's first birthday.  The problem was solved when Io told me that her mom wouldn't be put out if we were in Sighisoara on Gabe's birthday.  I was floored.  To me the first birthday was huge.  I had flown halfway around the world to be here for it, and later on my parents decided they would, too.  But in Romanian tradition, the haircut ceremony is what matters.  It's like the way they don't really make a big deal about Christmas, but Easter is hugely important.

The first part of the ceremony, traditionally, is that the godparents give the baby's parents a milking cow or milking sheep.  I had been very clear with Ioana and Ovi: under absolutely no circumstances were we taking possession of any livestock.  Luckily, Ovi had a solution.

ELECTRIC SHEEP

This sheep is particularly awesome because it is not just stuffed, it makes noises and stuff.  After being worried that we were going to get saddled with a farm animal, instead we were given a robot.  Super-awesome!

Gabe held up pretty well during the hair-cutting.  He wasn't happy about having someone come at him with a pair of scissors, but he didn't completely freak out or anything.  I kept telling him, "You should have seen the wedding, kid.  This dude held a knife to my throat."

I don't think it helped.

And then it was done!

Mothers, hide your daughters

After the hair-cutting came my favorite part of the whole party: foretelling the future!  In Romanian tradition, on the day of the hair-cutting the baby predicts his own future, like a souped-up version of Puxatawney Phil.  Crystal balls being fairly pricey, the traditional augury is a tray full of common objects.  Each one symbolizes some possible future (usually a job, but sometimes other things).  You hold the tray in front of the baby and allow him to pick three things.  Whatever he picks, that's his destiny.

"I am your density."

Although the composition of the talismans on the tray can vary, our tray had the following things:

Flower  (green thumb / farmer)

Holy book  (priesthood)

Mirror  (vanity)

Comb  (barber)

Car  (driver)

Bread  (always have food and shelter)

Money  (wealth)

Chocolate  (sweet life)

Glass of tuica  (drunkard)

Perfume  (dandy)

Pen  (intellectual)

Makeup  ("coquette", Ioana said.  How the hell does she know that word?  Plus Gabe is a boy)

Ring  (material assets; different than money)

Telephone  (talker / chatterbox)

Keys  (leadership)

Trowel  (builder / engineer)

Book  (learned person / writer)

Computer mouse  (I put this one there.  Gamer!)

Wrench  (mechanic)

Stone  (geologist / earth)

Thread  (weaver)

Paintbrush  (painter / artist)

Scissors  (tailor)

Syringe  (doctor / nurse)

Pliers  (fixer of things)

Tambourine  (musician)

Drumroll...

And so, with great fanfare and anticipation, we put the tray in front of Gabe to let him make his three selections.

Choice number 1:

TROWEL!  So that means some sort of builder or engineer.  We brought the tray up again and held our breaths.

Choice number 2:

Intellectual, indeed

PEN!

Although I normally would think of this as symbolizing a writer or something similar, apparently the book is for that.  A pen indicates a thinker or intellectual or scholar.  Combined with the trowel, the family said this probably meant he was going to be an architect.









We brought the tray up for a final choice, to my chants of "Mouse!  Mouse!  Mouse!  Mouse!"  But instead Gabe went with...

MONEY!  It's hard to see in the photo because he's holding it edgewise to the camera (in his left hand), but apparently Gabe is going to be a very successful architect.

So there you go.  Gabe's future, all set out before he can even walk.  This whole ceremony was actually really fun.  We all had a good time.  And who knows, maybe he will end up a successful architect.

More hours of talk, celebration, and eating followed.  

Followed finally (finally!!) by yet another birthday cake.  We all sang "Happy Birthday" to him in Romanian and then again in English, and Io helped him blow out his candle.  Everyone got a piece of cake and there was yet...more...celebrating.

Eventually the celebrations ended and people started heading home.  Since this is probably the last time I'll see them this visit (I leave early Wednesday) I said goodbye to great-grandma and great-grandpa Negru, as well as to great-grandma Gomoiu and the godparents (unfortunately this was the only time I got to see them this whole trip.  Next time, nasule!)

Sunday was my parents' last day here (they actually left early Monday morning, but Sunday was the last day we saw them), so we had mostly set it aside for spending time with them.  We went to the park, we all took naps, and we just hung out at the bloc.

My parents took us all out to lunch at Cantina Verde, a very nice restaurant that is walking distance from Tania's place.  I once again got the best meal out of everyone.  When will they ever learn.

We went back to the bloc and said goodbye to my mom and dad, who graciously agreed to take some of our stuff back with them since they get to take extra bags for free in business class.

The whole saying goodbye to them thing started to really drive home how soon it is that I myself will be saying goodbye (two more days).  The only good thing is that stuff seems to be moving reasonably fast with the INS paperwork so, with some luck, hopefully it won't be too much longer before Io's visa is finalized and they can come home.

Moment of Zen:

You Say It's Your Birthday

ONE YEAR!  I am mostly celebrating the fact that we managed to keep Gabe from killing himself for an entire year, despite his best efforts to the contrary.  I don't know how we survive, as a species.

The first day of Gabe's second year dawned sunny and beautiful.  Gabe woke up with the sort of look his mom has every morning.  You can already tell that somewhere, deep down inside his baby brain, he is thinking "How long is it before I'm allowed to have coffee?"

Today was the big Sighisoara sightseeing and souvenir-buying day for my parents, so they and I headed out bright and early.  Io and Gabe were running a bit behind and caught up with us around lunchtime.

My parents and I walked around parts of old-town Sighisoara, and then headed to the history museum that is contained in the Clockmakers' Tower.

I love that museum.  They've got artifacts dating back to the Dacian (pre-Roman) days, all the way back to the Bronze Age.  The metal objects (arrowheads, sickle blades, axeheads, etc) have survived decently, but the pottery has survived incredibly well.

Then they have artifacts up through Roman times, medieval times, and into the early Renaissance when the town was dominated by various trade guilds.  The guilds are the ones who built and maintained the different towers around the city walls.  They would also man and fight from them, when the Turks attacked.

Nothing makes you appreciate modern medicine and dentistry more than seeing the tools of the trade from back in the day.  For those unfamiliar with Renaissance-era medical practices, those round drills near the bottom were used to bore holes in your fucking head.

I didn't even want to photograph the amputation kit that was next to this.

The best part is at the top of the tower, though.  You have to climb up a bunch of floors to get there, but once you get to the top you can see the working mechanism that controls the clock.  The original-original mechanism, which was made all of wood, is on display but isn't used.  The metal mechanism that currently controls the clock was installed back in Renaissance times and still works today, chiming off the hour and quarter-hours.

The clock tower also tells you what day of the week it is, by rotating a series of figurines that represent the days.  Each one has the Roman figure for the day, surmounted by the alchemical symbol for whatever element the Renaissance alchemists associated with that day.  These are all the original painted wooden figures from the Renaissance.  Pretty cool.

From the top of the tower you can walk all around the outside catwalk, getting great views of Sighisoara, both the old city (the walled citadel) on top of the hill, and the newer city down in the river valley below.  Sighisoara is the oldest inhabited medieval citadel in all of Europe.

After the clock tower my mom and I hiked up some large number of steps to get to the church on the hill.  My mom went inside to see the frescoes and the crypts, but I hung around outside and checked out the views from atop the hill.

Io and King Gabriel joined us and we had some wonderful lunch, and then walked around Sighisoara some more, sightseeing and souvenir-buying.

I think we are vogue-ing here

After that it was back to the Bimbliombulgobilbomberboomerang for Gabe's birthday party.  We wanted to have a cupcake but ended up with creme brulee instead.  It's a long story.  Gabe didn't seem to mind.  I'm not sure that he knew what to make of all the noise and attention and having his face brought right up to things that are on fire, but I think he enjoyed it overall.

No, cake is for eating, presents are for -- OK, never mind

All in all this was a great but extremely long and exhausting day.  By the end of it, I totally crashed.  Thank God there was nothing around to interfere with my getting some sleep.

As if

Today was our last morning in Sighisoara.  We had a good breakfast and then headed up to do one last museum, the medieval arms collection.  Although I've been to Sighisoara twice before and I love old weapons, I had actually never been to this.  It was really pretty awesome, but I didn't take any pictures inside.  Great! 

We had a good lunch and regretfully checked out of the hotel.  Man was that place awesome.  Then it was back to the train station to catch our ride home.

Smart!

The ride home was, you know, 5 1/2 hours long.  That's pretty long.  We had our train compartment to ourselves again, but 5 1/2 hours is still a long time in a train, especially since Gabe basically didn't nap at all this time.

We still managed to have fun

And now we're back home.  Tania had an entire feast waiting for us, so we all had pork and stuffed cabbage  and bread and home-made freedom fries.  Io and I then took my folks over to the Jolly Fun hotel and got them all settled in, and now it's most definitely time for about 400 hours of sleep, the good King willing.  Tomorrow is his big hair-cutting ceremony and choose-your-own-adventure LARP.  To find out what all that shit means, tune in for our next entry.

Moment of Zen:

Scary.