Kiss Me, And Smile For Me

It's 9pm on my last night here.  I leave first thing tomorrow morning.  Every time I get to one of these last entries before I go, I think I'm going to write some big thing about the last two days full of photos of me and Gabe hanging out, and then every time when I finally get to the blog I'm too sad to do it.  We tried to keep these last two days sane and normal, after weeks of whirlwind guests and travel.  We made breakfast for each other, we took Gabe to the park, we went to the grocery store, we played computer games when Gabe was napping.  Stuff that hopefully one day soon we will do all the time -- but will hopefully never again take for granted.

Intellectually it seems like this should be the easiest parting yet.  Things with the INS are moving along at a decent pace and I'm hoping to have Gabe and Io back by early June.  We are 95% done with this ordeal (assuming nothing else goes wrong) and we are through the two hardest parts, the two four-month separations. The light at the end of the tunnel is bigger than ever, and our marriage has come through all this craziness with no problem.  Well, so far.  I did leave a bunch of dishes in the sink.

But somehow each time is more difficult than the last, and this one has been the worst of all.  I don't know whether it's the build-up of all the pointlessness of all this over time, or that Gabe has more personality now than ever, or what.  But I hate this stupid senseless situation and want it to be over.  I am fucking sick to death of leaving Gabe and Io.