I Put On My Robe And Wizard Hat

And now it's time for more Pointless Discursions About Romania. Today's topic: Superstition. Romania is a country pervaded by superstition. That probably makes sense given their history of vampirism and lycanthropy, but even so it's strange for an overseas visitor.

In the last presidential election, the losing candidate publicly accused the winner of casting a curse on him before a crucial debate. A recent proposal to tax Romanian witches failed to pass when lawmakers were intimidated by the witches casting hexes on them. I am constantly running afoul of Romanian superstitions. You can't take the trash out after sundown because you'll "throw out your luck." You can't give someone an even-numbered bunch of flowers because it will kill them. Your pregnant wife can't take something she didn't pay for or the baby will have birthmarks. And so on.

But then you think about America, and how we're always trying to get schools to teach children that humans were created by a magic invisible man who lives in the sky, and suddenly it doesn't seem so weird, does it? Romania's president may wear purple on Thursdays to ward off the Evil Eye, but President Reagan made crucial decisions for the United States based on astrology. The moral here is that we are all of us one beautiful people, in the sense that we are all idiots.

Not that America is alone in the magical-sky-man thing. Romania is super-religious. The last time we went to Ioana's ultrasound doctor, I counted seven religious icons on her walls (and it's not like this is a church-supported hospital, it's just a regular medical clinic). Romanian Orthodoxy is the state-sponsored religion, and there are churches every few blocks. Which is kind of inconvenient for religious Romanians, because tradition demands that you make the Sign of the Cross whenever you pass a church. That probably worked fine when everyone lived in a village with one church, but doesn't scale up very well to modern-day Bucharest with its busy streets. After months of careful observation, here are the rules regarding crossing yourself while riding the bus:

1. If the church is on your side of the bus, you have to cross, even though you pass a church every 30 seconds. If it's on the other side of the bus, you can skip it if you want to.

2. If you pretend you didn't see the church you don't have to cross.

3. Although a full cross is preferred, if you just vibrate your hand up and down in front of your chest like you have a palsy, that still counts.

4. If you start crossing and then the bus stops for traffic in front of the church, you are totally screwed. You have to keep crossing until the bus moves on. Smart crossers don't start crossing until the bus is already passing the church. Get a clue.