You Can Check Out Any Time You Like

My day so far:

4am: wake up
5:10: leave for airport
6:00: no traffic; arrive way early
7:30: Say goodbye to Io, Ovi, and Cati, go through security
7:50: at gate. Plane still says taking off on time, 8:30
8:10: boarding call, get in line
8:20: Why hasn't the line moved?
8:30: They tell us all to sit down, plane will be taking off late
9:10: Boarding call again, back in line
9:15: On plane!
9:25: Why isn't the plane moving?
9:40: Dude comes out of the cockpit holding a bullhorn.  This is probably not going to be good news.
9:45 Dude tells us they are having problems with the electronics, and they are going to, like, reboot the plane. They are literally going to turn the whole thing off and back on again, like it's a wireless router that has stopped transmitting or something.
9:46 I start wondering, Okay, suppose that works.  What are you going to do if the same problem happens while we are 35,000 feet in the air?
9:50: Plane is apparently BSODing, they tell us all to get off the plane.
9:55: Why aren't they letting us off the plane?
10:15: Dude with bullhorn again.  Uh oh.
10:20: Jetway not working either, deplaning by stairs and bus, sit tight.
10:45: They take us to a baggage claim area and leave us there with no explanation of what is happening or what we are supposed to do next.
11:00: Bags start coming off the conveyor belt.  I guess this plane is not going anywhere today.
11:10: British Airways lady tells us to get our bags and go to the BA helpdesk to be rebooked, and then vanishes in a cloud of ninja smoke.  Wait, where is that?  Lady?  Hello?
11:30: My bag comes off the belt.  Follow herd.  Moo.  Moo.
11:40: Herd leads us to bizarre hallway in back of airport that has no markings and all secure doors.  Bad herd!
12:00: Finally find helpdesk.  Stand in line.
12:15: Why isn't this line moving?
12:30: BA people come down the line passing out ham sandwiches and Cokes.  This can't be good.
12:45: Why the fuck isn't this line moving.
12:50: Find out from another passenger that serving the entire Airbus A320, with 220 passengers aboard, they have...one guy.
12:51: ONE GUY?!?!
1:15: BA starts handing out numbered cards to people in line and tells us they will call us up when it's our turn, as if we are waiting to get tickets to see Hanna Montana.
1:25: Get assigned #50.  Go sit in waiting area.
1:30: Old guy starts talking to me in Romanian about how great and successful his son is.
1:31: Tell old guy, in Romanian, that I speak very little Romanian.
1:32: Old guy says "OK" and then continues talking complex Romanian at a million miles an hour.  Every time he stops talking, I say in Romanian, "I don't understand."  He says "OK" and then keeps talking.
2:15: Hear from another passenger that they are now on #6.
2:16: Rapid mental calculation
2:17: Consider suicide
2:18: I have a son to live for
2:19: You bastards.